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An Englishman (to an Indian
milkman) : Explain how curd is prepared from milk?
Milkman : Milk sleeping at night, morning becoming
tight. |
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Stephang : (to librarian) : Do
you have that book on “Ethics and honesty”.
Librarian : Yes we had but somebody stole it. |
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Teacher : Define cigarette
Student : Cigarette is a roll of tobacco with fire at one
end and a fool at the other end. |
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Teacher : Jack, what is the
futures tense of the sentence “He commits theft”.
Jack (to teacher) : He will go to Jail
Teacher : (Tauntingly) : Very good, Now tell me the past
tense of that same sentence.
Jack : Simple Sir, his father was a thief. |
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Daddy : John, how much do you
expect to get in today's class test?
John : Dad, I submitted a complete blank answer paper but
I expect to get 10 marks.
Daddy : How is that?
John : The teacher has promised a bonus of 10 marks for
clean answer papers. |
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Teacher : Terry, where do you
stay?
Terry : In my house
Teacher : Terry, where is your house?
Terry : In front of Jim's bakery
Teacher : Where is Jim's bakery?
Terry : In front of my house
Teacher : (much annoyingly) : But where do they both lie?
Terry : Simple Sir, in front of each other |
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Q : How much is 1 & 1?
Engineer : It's 2
Lawyer : It's 11
C.A : How much do you want? |
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Teacher : Mac did you draw the
picture of the cow ?
Mac : Yes Sir, here it is
Teacher : I can see nothing on this page
Mac (surprisingly) : It was here only
Sir, I think it ran away after seeing your stick |
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Chemistry, Maths and a Physics
teacher had gathered besides a lake, and were talking
about the possible depth and density of the lake and it's
water The math's teacher dived inside the lake in a bid to
find the exact depth of the lake. After 15 minutes physics
teacher dived inside the lake to find the overall density
of the lake water. When after an hour none of the two
teachers appeared on the surface, the chemistry teacher
departed saying, I think both of them are soluble in
water. |
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Breaking with custom, a woman
decided to have a scotch and soda as a night cap. After
drinking it, she went upstairs to kiss her small son
goodnight. As she bent to kiss him, he said, “Mummy ! you
are wearing Daddy's Perfume!”
“Who won the fight? “You or your missus?”
“She came crawling to me on her hands and knees”.
“Really ? what did she say?”
“Come out from under the bed, you coward!' |
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Prison visitor : “And what
brought you to this place?”
Prisoner : “A cold in the head”
Visitor : “But how can that be ?”
Prisoner : I sneezed and woke up the night watchman” |
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A chap I know used to drink
whisky and water which always made him drunk. He switched
to brandy and water but that always made him drunk too.
Then he changed to rum and water and that made him drunk.
Now he's convinced that water is an intoxicant. |
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A man rushed into one of the
carriages and said urgently, “Has anyone got any brandy?
A woman has fainted in the next carriage”.
One of the passengers produced it in a flash and the
fellow grabbed it and took a good long swig. “Thanks” he
said, handing the empty flash back. “It always upsets me
to see a woman faint”. |
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Pa : “No, I won't buy a
trumpet for you. You'd disturb me too much with it”.
Jack : “I wouldn't , pa, I'd only play it while you are
asleep”.
“ I told the doctor today about my absent mindedness”.
“what did he say?”
Asked for his fee in advance”. |
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Teacher: “Even a fool could
ask questions that a wise man cannot answer”
Pupil : “No wonder I did not pass that exam”. |
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Two drunks booked a twin
bedded room at a small hotel. They staggered up to the
room and switched off the light and both lay down on the
same bed. After a while, the first drunk said, “I shay, I
think there's someone lying on thish bed with me!”
“Yesh, and there's someone in my bed too !” said the
second drunk.
“Well, lesh kick e'm out!” said the first drunk, and a
terrific struggle ensued.
Finally, the first drunk said, “I got my fellow out !”
“I couldn't handle mine!” said the second drunk,
“he pushed me out on the floor!”
“Never mind,” said his pal, “you jesh come and sleep with
me!” |
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“Buffaloes and cows is grazing
in the field,” said the teacher, “correct the sentence”.
Ram : “Cows and Buffaloes is grazing in the field”.
Teacher : How ?
Ram : Ladies first. |
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