• When you don't have any money, the problem is food. When you have money, it's sex. When you have both, it's health.

• Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.

• The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

• If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

• The secret of a good speech is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and having the two as close together as possible.

• If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.

• The strongest man upon earth is he who stands most alone.

• The artist does not see things as they are, but as he is.

• Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror.

• A book is a success when people who haven't read it pretend they have.

• The advantage of being clever is that it's easy to play the fool. The opposite is much more difficult.

• Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone may be looking.

• We enact many laws that manufacture criminals, and then a few that punish them.

• An expert is a man who doesn't know all the answers, but is sure, that if he is given enough money, he can find them.

• Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

• The future is the past, returning through another gate.

• By the time a man realises that may be his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.

• One reason that history repeats itself is that so many people were not listening the first time.

• My life is in the hands of any fool who can make me lose my temper.

• Love is an ocean of emotions, entirely surrounded by expenses.

• How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you happen to be.

• Only some of us can learn by other people's mistakes. The rest of us have to be the other people.

Contributed by Riaz Syed