Opportunities Today :- May 2006 Issue

Business Humor

 

 
It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem. Market research will always tell you why you can't do something. It's not a substitute for decision making, or guts. If your desk isn't cluttered, you probably aren't doing your job. The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away.

 

 
Famous Business Lies :

1. The check is in the mail.
2. We service what we sell

3. Money cheerfully refunded
4. I only need five minutes of your time

5. This offer limited to the first one hundred people who call in
6. Leave your resume and we'll keep it on file

 
Business Facts!?!

• A rich man's joke is always funny.
• The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

• Robinson Crusoe started the 40-hour week. He had all the work done by Friday.
• To finish first you must first finish.

• A camel looks like a horse that was planned by a committee.
• My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

 

On starting your own business:

• Whatever you think it's gonna take, double it. That applies to money, time, stress. It's gonna be harder than you think and take longer than you think.
 

FIT FOR A LAWYER
 

Few centuries ago, a Law teacher came across a student who was willing to learn but was unable to pay the fee. The student struck a deal saying, "I would pay your fee the day I win my first case in the court". Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course. When the course was finished and teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee, student reminded the deal and pushed days.

 

Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves. The teacher put forward his argument saying: "If I win this case, as per the court of law, student has to pay me. And if I lose the case, student will still Pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way I will have to get the money".

 

Equally brilliant student argued back saying: "If I win the case, as per the court of law, I don't have to pay anything to the teacher. And if I lose the case, I don't have to pay him because I haven't won my first case yet. So either way, I am not going to pay the teacher anything". This is one of the greatest paradoxes ever recorded in history.