A barber from Hollywood had an audience with the Pope at Rome. A week later a famous actor from Hollywood visited the pope and kneeled before him. When he was back in the US and met the barber, the barber asked, “Did the Pope tell about me?” The actor said, “No”. The barber again said, “You mean he did not make any reference to me at all”. The actor replied, “Yea, now I remember that he asked me who gave me this lousy hair-cut.”

A pig and a hen fell in love and married. During the honeymoon as they were walking along a garden path they saw a board outside a restaurant, “Bacon and eggs” The hen said, “Look darling, see how we contribute to the welfare of mankind.” The pig said, “Yours may be a contribution; mine is a total involvement...”

When Julius Caesar was inspecting his slaves, he found one of them had a striking resemblance to him. He asked the slave, “Did your mother ever visit Rome?” The slave replied, “No Sir, But my father did visit Rome 30 years ago.”

In ancient Rome, when the soldiers left for war they used to put a chastity belt on their wives. Once an old soldier was leaving for a war in a far off place. So he gave the key of the belt to his best friend and told that if he was killed in the war he could open the belt. The old soldier had travelled for an hour. Then he heard his friend's voice calling him to stop. When he met the old soldier the friend said panting, “You have given the wrong key.”

A beggar prayed to God, “Please help me get hundred rupees from the road. Then I shall put ten rupees in the donation box in the church. Now if you don't trust me, let me get only ninety after you have taken your share.”

A man was visiting a lunatic asylum He found one of the inmates fondling a doll and crying. When he asked the warden he said, 'He was in love with a girl. When she married another man, he got into a deep depression. He continues to think the doll is that girl.” In the next cell he found another man tearing and hitting a doll. “What is his problem?” he asked. The warden said, “He is the one who married that girl”

A soldier was in the habit of making bets all the time. When the commander of that station told this to a counterpart from another station, the visitor said, “Send him to me. I shall teach him a lesson such that he will never bet” As soon as the soldier went to the new place the commander asked, “Hi Johnny, want to bet?” The soldier said “yes”. The commander said, “GO ahead” the soldier said, “I bet 1000 rupees that you have a large mole in your bum.” The commander said, “Agreed” The commander took his pants down and showed his posterior. There was no mole. The commander said,” Come on, and take out the money” The soldier gave the money. The commander phoned his friend and said, “The guy will never bet again.” He then explained the incident. The other commander said, “Don't be too sure. He had a bet with me for two thousand rupees that he will get your pants down”

A young bachelor used to spend his evenings with a beautiful young widow. When some one asked him, “If you are so fond of her why don't you marry her.” The man said, “Then where will I spend my evenings?”

A boy told his girlfriend, “I shall do anything for you.” The girl asked, “Will you die for me.” The boy said, “I can't. Mine is an undying love.”

A salesman sold an air conditioner to a poultry farmer saying that it keeps the hens comfortable and they will lay more eggs. After the deal was through he asked the farmer, “Won't you like to have one in your bed room?” The farmer said, “No. She does not lay eggs”

A priest was having an old tattered Bible with loose leaves. One day he was reading it in the church, “ Then Eve had only a fig leaf to cover her nakedness One day Adam found-“. (Just then a breeze came and the next page went flying) “The leaf is missing”, continued the priest

A member of the parish gave a bottle of wine to the local priest and said, “Father you must announce my gift next Sunday in the church”. The priest was rather hesitant but found a way out. He announced in the church, “I thank Mr. John Thomas for the gift of fruits and the spirit with which it was given”.

A man's wife was in her death bed. She said, “Bill, if you marry again, promise me you will not allow the new wife to wear my clothes.” Bill said, “I promise you, my darling.” She was not convinced and asked, “How will I know you will keep the promise?” Bill replied, “They won't fit her.”

A fortune teller advertised, “Ask any two questions Two hundred rupees for the answers”. A man went to ask his questions. Before asking he said, “Don't you think Rs.200 is too much?” The fortune teller said, “Yes, it is. Now what is your second question?”

A small boy leading a donkey passed an army. A couple of soldiers wanted to tease the lad. “Why are you holding on to your brother so tight, sonny?” one of them asked. The boy said “So that he won't join the army”.

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