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Socialite
at a kitty party : “My husband says I look years younger
in this hat”. “Really? What's your age”? “Thirty” I mean
without the hat”. |
|
Doctor
was examining a thin eighty year old man and he asked :
“To what do you attribute your great age? Old man : “To
the fact that I was born so long ago”. |
|
She :
“Does your wife object to your smoking in the house”? He
: “Oh, she objects to my smoking anywhere; she says it's
too expensive having both of us do it”. |
|
Papa : “
No I won't buy a trumpet for you. You would disturb me
with it”. Jack : “I wouldn't pa, I'd only play with it
while you are asleep”. |
|
Sam and
Arthur expectant fathers both, nervously paled the floor
in the waiting room of a maternity hospital. “What tough
luck”, grumbled Sam, “This had to happen during my
vacation”. “You think you have got troubles,” said
Arthur, “I am on my honeymoon”. |
|
A fellow
who had been drinking all evening staggered over to the
phone booth and dialed a number with some difficulty.
“Hello Hello!” he shouted and a voice at other end of
the phone said “Hello Hello!” banging the receiver
angrily, the drunk exclaimed “This phone has an echo!” |
|
A man had
been visiting his friend for dinner. As it was late when
he left for home, besides being drunk, they gave him a
torch, so that he could find his way. About an hour
later, there was a knock on the door, and there stood
Patrick - “I found my way to home all right”, he said,
“so I've just brought your torch back”. |
|
A
drunkard was sitting in the corner of a bar, slowly
nodding his head back and forth, and saying
“Tick….”…..Tock…..”. The barman went over to him and
said,” are you all right?”
“Yes, I'm all right, “said the drunkard. “Well what are
you doing?” “Can't you sh ee?” said the drunkard, “I'm a
clock “. “Ok - what time is it?” Asked the barman. The
drunkard said “half past ten”. “Oh, no it isn't “said
the barman, glancing at his wrist watch. “It’s quarter
to eleven”. “My God!” said the drunkard”. I must be
slow! “Tick tock tick tock…………….!” |
|
Two boys
were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The
teacher says, “why are you arguing?” One boy says “we
found a 10 dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever
tells the biggest lie”. You should be ashamed of
yourself, said the teacher” when I was your age I didn't
even know what a lie was”. The boys gave the 10 dollars
to the teacher. |
