An old fellow was told by the doctor to bathe his feet in salt water and they would feel better. So next day, the guy went down to the beach and filled his pail with water from the ocean. A lifeguard, wanting to have some fun, said to him, “That pail of water will cost you 25 cents”. The guy gladly paid. A couple of days later, he came back when it was low tide. He looked at the lifeguard and said, “My, you're doing great business today”.

Two guys were sitting on the beach and one said to the other, “Do you like bathing beauties?” The other guy said, “I don't know, I never bathed any”

God made Man before Woman, because he didn't want any advise on how to make Man.

Conrad Hilton is redoing the Leaning Tower of Pisa as a hotel. He's calling it the “Tilton Hilton”.

If you think money doesn't talk then just try to telephone without a coin.

“I'll give you a hundred dollars to do my worrying for me”. “Great, when do I get paid?” “That's your first worry”.

We all wish that the men who owe us money had memories like the men we owe money.

When a man shows a big wallet, a girl with ideas will always show a little purse in her lips.

A man was so drunk that when he came out of the hotel and saw someone standing with gold braid and medals on his chest, he said, “Will you call me a cab?” The man was offended and he said, “How dare you insult me? I'm no doorman - I'm an Admiral in the Navy”. “All right,” corrected the drunk, “call me a boat, I'm in a hurry.”

The pilot was limping home after a mission, with his plane pretty banged up. He reported to the air tower, said both his engines were gone, and his one wing was falling off. He ended by saying, “Await further orders.” The conning tower voice came back and said, “Repeat after me ….. ‘Our Father who art in Heaven….''.

Email this article